Looking for the Next Detour

I've been derailed for a couple of weeks.....circumstances have made me stay on the straight and narrow and believe me....I think it's harder than being on a constant detour.....I have had to be grown up and responsible and it was not nearly as much fun as being on a detour....I have learned one thing though...all this time I thought the detour was harder....you know, more curves, more stop signs, more distractions.....why I almost sought sympathy for my constant detours but I'm telling you right now.....it is harder to be on course than off....Mom is doing very well....we miss Daddy....but, there are so many good memories, and so many reminders that we feel his presence all the time, and not in a creepy way.....as you can see from the photo, Mom has the Christmas Spirit....You should hear her sing carols...


I'M BACK!

Mom

Update On Mom

Mom is doing so good...I am so very proud of her....She now a week after Daddy's death knows that he is gone...she has accepted it and is OK....for the past week every day I have had to tell her so many times a day that Daddy was gone, he was in Heaven, we buried him, yes we had a service, yes you were there, yes Mom, you and Daddy were married, yes Mom...you live here...I looked for a detour every day and could't find one...I had to stay on this straight narrow path that led me to today....I could not leave this path because there were so many things that had to be done, taken care of, handled...and only I could do it...I am certainly not complaining..these were duties that daughters perform....I've been glad to do them...none were so hard that they could not be accomplished...as a matter of fact, I found them to be life savers because they did keep me on the straight path that I had to travel. I am so grateful for my family and friends and even slight acquaintances...it has been very endearing and enlightening to spend this past week of my life...I realize that my Dad was very loved by many people and so are we...I am humbled by all of the attention I have received...I feel very strongly that tommorrow my detours will begin again....so look out....buckle up...it's gonna be a great Holiday Season...And I intend to take every detour I can find....

A Tribute

A note from Lee: A few months back when I was going through Sharon’s rough drafts and unposted notes, she told me she would leave it up to me whether to share those notes on this blog. This was said, kind of like she thought I would know when the time was right. So … these are her notes from October 21, 2001.
__________________________________________________
October 21, 2011
The Gift
By Sharon

I was given a gift 62 years ago this month....it may be getting close to time for me to give this gift back...I can't begin to tell anyone exactly how special my gift was...it was beyond words or imagination. I've taken this gift for granted many times, I've never feared loosing this gift, why I've even left this gift to explore the world. I always came back to my gift, but not always listened to my gift.....I've had the rare opportunity of having my gift close to me for the last 7 years...what joy this gift has brought me. Now I do worry that my gift is trying to leave me. I've tried very hard to keep my gift safe and warm, well fed and nursed, entertained and cared for, but I do worry that it's time to let my gift go.

I have had the privilege of talking to my gift for hours today. We both have a peace about a journey that he is ready to take...my gift just keeps on giving because MY DAD told me tonight that if he could go back in time and change anything in his life - he would not change one single thing. He is very proud of me and my family, he loves Mother more than his own life and he will wait for me in Heaven. He's asking me to let go of him and I found it easy....he said when he was ready he would let go. Ella hugged him extra close tonight when she paid her nightly visit to tuck him in. I think she knows too. I do know one thing...just like tonight while she was talking to him - he does seem to be renewed around her. That child has a gift and she shares it just like My Dad....I am so blessed..
__________________________________________________
Sharon’s Dad, A.C. Bridgewater, passed away yesterday.

David, Sharon’s husband said, “He left this world in the most peaceful way I have ever seen, just like he wanted to go, Sharon holding his hand and Grandmother (Elise) by his side.”

__________________________________________________
Aubrey Clark “A.C.” Bridgewater
April 24, 1918 - November 8, 2011

Aubrey Clark "A.C." Bridgewater, 93, of Buchanan, TN, formerly of Dyersburg, died Tuesday, November 8, 2011 at his residence.

He was a retired car salesman and an U.S. Marine Veteran of WWII.

Graveside services will be at 11 a.m. Thursday at Fairview Cemetery. Dyersburg Funeral Home is in charge of the arrangements.

The family will receive visitors from 10-10:45 a.m. Thursday at Dyersburg Funeral Home.
Survivors include his wife, Elise Bridgewater of Buchanan; a daughter, Sharon Elaine Seaton and husband, David, of Buchanan; three grandchildren; and one great-grandchild.

He was preceded in death by his parents, Benjamin and Myrtle Ivy Bridgewater.

Pallbearers will be Barry Hart, David Seaton, Cale Seaton and Monty Essary.

May he rest in peace.
___________________________________________________

From Lee:  Talked with Sharon a little while ago.  Her Dad told her before he passed - if folks wanted to do something to remember him - he would really like it if they would give an age appropriate bible to a child.  YOU - actually hand the bible to the child.  I think this is a wonderful idea!

Breakfast And Baits

This morning while cooking breakfast for my Dad, Zack Clark and Randy Haines came in and needed a pot of boiling water... After they assure me that no one is having a baby in the parking lot , I tell them to come on back....everyone knows I cannot multi task when cooking...It takes every ounce of concentration on my part to prepare food....ok...here I am..daddy's pancakes in a skillet which I find out later should be cooked on a griddle and a pot of boiling water....I am still on my first cup of coffee and in my pajamas...

Zack is dipping swim baits in the pot of boiling water because the tails are curved and they will not swim right....

Yes, I haven't been on the main road in a long time...I am always on a detour....always...But I Love It!

Mom
Mom came over this morning..."where is Sharon?" she asks me....I tell her I've gone to town...I should be back soon". A few minutes later same thing...."has anybody seen Sharon?". I'm gone Mom...I will be back soon.....Do you need anything?". "no, I just miss her...". Well I will be back soon....20 minutes later....well, here we go again....Instead..."Oh Hi Honey, You got back...do you need me to help you do anything?".
Mom was not in the building today, but maybe tommorrow will be better..she spent the entire day looking for me, her watch and her cell phone.....But she was busy and had fun..all my fishermen know she has problems and they all talk to her about her favorite subject...ME.

Priority....Sale or Stroke?

My very latest detour....Mom and I are in Walmart...I need to replace a tv here at the lodge...there it is on the shelf..as advertised, on sale, $248.00. A beautiful, 32 inch screen tv, just right for room #7....all these years of returning my buggy to the buggy stands out on the parking lot to keep my prices low is paying off...but there is only one left and I spy a guy coming up on my right looking at the same set I am and looking very determined....I kick it in gear and tell Mom to walk faster.....we beat him and sure enough he was going for the same set...Ha! I have scored....feeling so good about my score we wheel to the back to look at drapery material, that makes me sound like I can sew, candles and fancy cupcake papers, that makes me sound like I can cook.
Anyway, we are shopping, Mom becomes deathly ill, passes out and seems to be having some kind of seizure...a minute or two into the seizure, a couple comes along, calls 911, a clerk comes along, gets a chair, a manager comes along with wet cloths....we are a scene and as I look out into the crowd I spy Lee...she steps in ...takes control, helps me talk to the paramedics and all in all, just saves the day for me....she is helping with Mom, getting info, giving info just absolutely taking care of me...she might as well have had on a cape that day and been able to fly....she was my hero....I have a death grip on my buggy, cause after all it has my tv in it....Lee prys my hands off the buggy, saying go on, I'll take care of your buggy....I am protesting...Lee you don't understand, I must have that tv....she looks t me like I have lost my mind....She turns to the store manager who in turn is looking very puzzled..as if to say, how can this woman be so obsessed with unpurchased goods in the buggy....he assures Lee, he will park it I the back ...Lee said I will give him your name, Now Go And Take Care Of Your Mother...I Will Meet You Out Front....I turn one more time....she is motioning for me to go on....Go...Go...Go...

Mom in ER


Mom gets wheeled out, spends about 30 minutes in the ambulance, they get her stable before transporting, Lee and I follow them to the ER. They admit her because apparently she did indeed had a stroke....they conduct tests all night, I talk with the doctor, she says they want to do a few more the next morning and then she will discuss a plan with me. 

2nd Day

Lunch

Shopping on the way out.



This was all yesterday...as I write this tonight we are home because Mom is a medical miracle....Dr. Go told Mom to go home and keep on playing....as you can see, she has recovered very well. As we were leaving, she went around the floor, told each and everyone of the nurses what a grand time she had but it was time to go home....we stopped at the gift shop, went to McDonald's and came home....it was almost like she was in a parade.

Hello McDonalds!

And I Did Get My TV....
I have got to stop taking DETOURS......

I see crazy people...

A few weeks ago when I took Mom to visit Aunt Chrick at " The Home" I checked in....saw several people....found Aunt chrick...set her and Mom up at a cozy little table so they could visit and decided I was early enough to go visit my daughter who lives only a few miles away.  I look around for someone to tell that I'm leaving for an hour or so and a delightful woman comes up and offers to help.  I explain, she tells me she's been working here at "The Home" now for about 2 years.  I've never met her, she is very nice and helpful and I comment that I am so glad to meet her and will be seeing her again in the fall. She explains that she only works in the summer as she still works at the Department of Human Services during the fall and winter. We had a wonderful conversation...I feel really good about leaving.  She is so attentive to Mom and Aunt Chrick offering to get them tea and a snack while I'm gone. Wow..talk about one on one service...how great is that!

I leave, am gone for about 2 hours, come back and the residents are having dinner. Mom and Aunt Chrick are hooping it up, having a good time and I notice that the caregiver I was so fond of is at another table .  Why ..  she is eating with some other ladies, what dedication, she really loves her job to stay overtime and eat unseasoned food.  I walk up to her table, she jumps up, introduces herself, and now she tells me she was a school teacher and is visiting her sister.  I find that odd ... maybe she has a twin.  No, I go to get a cup of coffee and here she comes again.."Aren't you new here? I am Covia, and I can't find my car....will you help me?". Here comes a real caregiver who takes Ms Covia back to her table.....time for her meds. 
Oh my goodness...I left Mom and Aunt Chrick in the care of a crazy person.

All Skate

I am my Mom.....

I found myself saying today to her...."and if he told you to jump off a bridge would you do that too!"

The Fifth Season

Mom asked a new question today...didn't want to know day, time or month....she wanted to know what season it was..I responded, thinking once again how funny I am with.."Why it FOOTBALL SEASON Mom"
Her reply...Well let's play!

I went outside to play with Mom. This afternoon, we are going to slide down a grass hill on cardboard....and  make a bonfire later. I can hardly see for my tears, but they are tears of joy, for real now...I refuse to be sad on a day when I can play outside with my best friend...

She is in her Fifth Season....(there's a book somewhere inside me)

Georgia on My Mind

David and I went to Lake Hartwell, Georgia to fish the ABA Couples Nationals....before leaving Mom and I had a real girl's day....manicures, pedicures, hair color,,,,,everything to make us special before the trip....Mom was not going with me as I would be fishing every day from sun up to sun down....We went, had a large time, and came back...upon arrival Mom comes over before I can get to her apartment...She walked in and was so glad to see us, couldn't believe how much she missed me and was so glad to see me again....we were gone a week but she felt like she hadn't seen us for months....I being the fast thinker said,"I know Mom....you can't go away like that again...we miss you too much...Did you have fun?". She says, "oh yes, I can't tell you how wonderful that trip was...It was so good for me, but I am so glad to be back home...I love you but I missed you too much....I won't ever leave again"

Time and space...it doesn't exist in Mom's world.....all the guilty feelings I had while away have been lifted....I learn something new everyday from Mom... 

Hurricane Party

New York New York

Mom asked me 20 times today when Hurricaine Irene would be here......she's told me a number of times today that they are closing mass transit and the subways....she was concerned that we would have trouble getting to Daddy at Dialysis.  Several times today I've told her...we will be safe....it's on the coast...we don't have to worry.   Finally I told her New York will be next....they are right in the path. 

Mom looked at me and as sane as could be asked...."Sharon, you do know they don't have hurricianes in New York City don't you?"

How does she do this.....How can that random piece of information come when she can't remember what day it is, what she has eaten, if it's day or night, where she is?
I just need to remember....If I could understand this disease, I could control it......

So we are having our own hurricane party...we are going to consume an entire quart of Breyers Butter Pecan  Ice Cream and 5 Klondike bars,  and 3 orange sherbet push-ups so when we loose our power, our ice cream won't melt.  Oh what fun!!!  

I'll be the one having the Strawberry Daiquiri....

Tattoo Parlor & Parking Permits

Today Mom and I took a Detour on the way home....We pulled in at the Ringmaster..Tattoo and Body Piercing....WHAT FUN!..I thought I would just shake Mom up a little and get a photo....We pull up, I'm making my picture, had her open the car door, and out she pops, in we go, and next thing I know..we are thumbing through sleeves of tattoo designs on the wall.

A charming girl is waiting on us....She shows us her tattoo that she had done across the small of her back (top of her butt) which said Eternity cause when she looks at it she is reminded of her dear Grandmother who passed years ago....She also has a tattoo of her children's names in various places on her...which she didn't show ...The one on her wrist was quite good.it is done in green and turquoise..it can be covered with an oversized watch ...Most important that tatts are put where they can be covered....

Mom is taking all of this in and I am as well....We look at all the designs, I ask if Mom can sit in the chair and let me make her picture and the girl insists that she make the photo cause we are just so darned cute....We made her picture too...

As we are leaving our fun little adventure she asks us to come back when Jim is there because he could make us fake tatts and we could really show Mom's friends up.....Oh what fun!

As we are about a mile down the road...Mom says...."Wasn't this just the best day ever? Do you ever remember when we had more fun? I don't care what that tattoo cost, I think it's the best thing we've ever done....I'm not going to show Daddy yet though...He may not like it....But it was so much fun....I want to go back."

My only regret today was that I did not get the girl's name who was waiting on us....She was so patient and kind and generous with her time...She treated Mom like a princess....As we were leaving she tapped my arm and said...My Grandmother had Altzheimer's....She was not as enjoyable as your Mom while she was sick but I chose to remember the good times....I find on every detour I am not alone in this journey...Everyone has someone who has been affected by Altzheimer's....They all get this crazy look of understanding as soon as they realize and become so compassionate.....It's almost like a secret society....but we don't have to have a crazy handshake because it is apparent....Now if I could just get one of those blue parking plaques to hang from my rear view mirror..

Today while on the way to deliver Daddy to Dialysis Mom exclaims....."would you just look over there...they are so busy..why I.ve never seen so many customers at one place at one time....the parking lot is full...." I say.."that used car lot Mom?"....... "why yes...I think they are busy like that everytime we go by!"

Fast Men

Today Mom and I go to Lowe's for casters...we're strolling along and come face to face with a really cute race car driver.  Mom walked up to him, examined him and a clerk came by....spoke and Mom asked ..."Is he real?".  The clerk, a little unclear on the question said that yes indeed he was a real race car driver and that was a cardboard paper doll of him to advertise Kobalt Tools.  Well of course she knew that..(I get a lot of that lately) and with all that settled we made a picture, oh what fun, and moved on. 

5 steps away Mom in a real small voice says, "You do know that was not a real man...it was cardboard." She's looking at me like I look at her when I am flabbergasted .....you know like...really...like are you serious kind of look.

10 steps later..."Wasn't that just the nicest race car driver you ever met in your entire life? (I've met so many.)  And you know how busy he is and stopping me and asking to have his picture made...what a great day this has been.  I can't wait to tell Daddy!  Oh!  Wonder if he will get to the race on time, you know he's racing today."

"Mom, it's OK...It's a night race."

Death and Cavities

This morning we were playing T V Commercial...one of our favorites.  We do impromptu commercials with whatever product is near us....Ella's commercial...

"Fruity Pebbles Rocks Your
whole Mouth!!!! And may cause Cavities and even Death"

What you may ask did a detour have to do with this?  Her original breakfast was supposed to be eggs, oatmeal, and cinnamon toast....but it's Saturday and we called a truce...she will let me say ugly things today, maybe, if I let her eat Fruity Pebbles...we'll see how this deal goes as the day progresses.

Mom got in on the action too!  

Mother forgot today that she had altzheimers!...her complaint..."I can't find my lipstick...who in the world misplaces their lipstick?....how can I not know where my lipstick is?..." well we found it...right in the drawer where it is supposed to be..."what a grand day this is going to be.. this conversation on the heels of Mom looking for aspertain this morning..."you mean the chemical that causes cancer in laboratory rats Mom? "WHY YES...daddy needs it and can.t find his." Upon investigating exactly what Daddy wanted...it was his Nutritional Drink Chocolate Boost..he said you know, the stuff old people drink....Oh My Goodness...I can't make this stuff up...there's a book waiting to happen...

I adore the new blacktop...and the machines putting it down...and the men operating the equipment....and the  asphault company that provided the hotmix..the academy...my Mom and Dad...:-) my husband...and Guinnn's shoestore for the new yellowbox sandals in my future (my silver ones melted when I stepped on it)....Tracy accused me of being a sixth grader...

My detour just got a

My detour just got a little smoother

Before

I melted my sandals

Jesus Never Misses

"Can you believe it? Jesus just never misses church...why he's always there..I just love Jesus...."

This was Mom when leaving Point Pleasant Baptist Church this past Sunday....

Mom took a detour and ended up at a Bachelor Party...she said she had never been to one...What Fun! And my those boys were so nice to invite her...

Mom told them all about her husband of 50 years....never mind that I am 61....and how wonderful marriage was and that she was so glad to be invited to the party....they loved her....invited her to the wedding so now she wants to go get a new dress.....we just might go shopping....no telling what detour we will end up on shopping for a new dress..

Mom was the hit of the party!

Mom was in Paris today! Didn't take near as long as she thought and she did not know we could drive there!

Lips That Touch Wine..Second Chapter

I am going to HELL!

 I am trying to resist the temptations of taking photos of Mom doing awful things....I just can.t help myself....She is such a willing target...even poses for me....what can I say? She is a camera hound...

Yesterday we had a little fish fry....David made hushpuppies with beer...there was just the tiniest swig left in the bottle...Mom's timing is just all wrong....She waltzes in just in time for me to hand her the beer, "Drink this Mom so I don't have to throw it away..". Of course camera is handy, what a photo op....the children all shaking their head at me thinking...Mom Is Going To Hell....
Well much to my and their surprise mom throws back that swig like a sailor, wipes her mouth, and says..."Why that tastes like Beer smells.". Now how does my Mom know what beer smells like? Is their something in her past she needs to share with me? Has she ever drunk a beer? Maybe my Mom is a closet drinker....maybe that.s why I have those "root beer" in my closet......Oh My Goodness....Mom has a past and I don.t even know about it.....if you all remember last year she got into the Apple Jack....

Mom Is All Wet!

A Fun Thing Happened On The Way To The Party!

a 2 hour drive...a 2 hour drive...I.m the Captain...Ella is the cruise director and Mom is the passenger....we are going to Aunt Chrick's birthday party at "The Home".. Along the highway we are singing, making up jokes and playing road games...Mom is in the building....She reads a sign that says Industrial Park..next right...."oh what fun...we should detour and see what all they have...I love those corn dogs and Ella would certainly enjoy the rides".
"Mom, it's not that kind of park...It's where industries and factories are located...big trucks..you know". Well of course she knew that...
We travel along, No detours, arrive at the party....as I.m helping the cousins serve cake and ice cream I hear Mother telling the biggest ole lie in the world...she is describing the rides, the lights, the food, the clowns...Oh My Goodness.....What fun we must have had...why I can hardly wait to go back to Dyersburg, Just so I can make the detour and visit the Industrial Park again!

David and I went fishing at Kutawa this weekend..Fished a small.tourney..we were gone overnight...when we arrived back home mother was so excited to see us...she thought we had been gone a month....she thought my pony tail was longer...

Post surgery...doing great

Daddy almost backed out..

Daddy almost backed out..

Mid surgery

Tomorrow I take Daddy for his facelift.....that's right...I said FACELIFT....

They will be lifting his eyelids....Not fair. I've spent most of the day telling Mom all the reasons I was not going to take her....We'll be going to the basement...we'll be on the third floor...it will be a long day....there will be no shopping....the chairs will be uncomfortable....she kept informing me she could keep up...she didn.t mind....she wants to go.....I finally said...Mom...I can.t manage both you and Daddy at the hospital....you will have to stay home...then she played her pitiful card..."I don't mean to be a bother...I didn't know I was so much trouble"

Pulled out my pitiful card...big tears rolling..."Mom, you hurt my feelings when you say you are a bother to me. I just can't do this tommorrow..you will have to understand". I was crying real tears...I don't do that often but today..they poured...

About 30 minutes later, Mom comes over..."Sharon, I don't want to go the Nashville tommorrow...I think it will be too hot and I'm going to stay and help Tracy do laundry and play with Ella...Will that be ok with you if I don't go?"

It's another one of those sacrifices Mom is famous for....she has a way of always making me feel better...she removed all the guilt I felt by acting like she didn't want to go.....Now I know, all of you are waiting for the fairy tale ending. Mom gets to go and we will have a great day..NO...I am not taking her......

Havin a Blast at the Burial...Wish you were here...

I remember the day I knew Mom had Alzheimer's for real.     Really had it.

The day we buried her sister, Ruth Evelyn, Mom and Aunt Chrick were standing in line at the casket, whooping it up and having a big time with all the family and friends who had come to pay their respects. There was food, music, family and friends. I mean what else could you possibly ask for? The service was beautiful and her and Aunt Chrick (who also has Alzheimer's) had a ball.

When we got in the car to go to the cemetery Mom said, "What a wonderful day this has been, good food and good fellowship. I am so thankful. I wish Mother and Daddy could be here. They would have loved this." We buried her parents years ago. As we pulled up at the gravesite for the burial, Mom said, "And a picnic too! I just can't believe how wonderful this all is!"

On that particular day, I knew that we were embarking on a new adventure....A Detour if you will. And I decided to embrace the disease and not let it beat me.  I decided to look at this disease as my Mom always looked at everything in life …with a song in my heart and a smile on my face. 

My biggest battle is trying to understand the mechanics of this disease. I have finally understood, I do not need to know the mechanics. I don't need to know why. I don't need to know how. If Mom had a broken leg, I would not expect her to run. If she was blind, I would not expect her to read. Since she's crazy, why should I expect her to be sane? Alzheimer's has no props, like glasses, hearing aids, crutches, etc. It's unspoken and unseen, so it takes special skills to deal with it.

I hope I can continue to develop these skills. I am learning as I go, but, we are going to make a party of it. Therefore we are on a Detour from Sanity and so far I have enjoyed the trip. I'm living in a sitcom with no commercial breaks!

It takes so little to make Mom happy...a good Baptist Hymn, Ella and an order of McDonald's French Fries...and we all know...The Lord is always at McDonalds..:-)

No..here's my sign...

Here's my sign...

My kids went to Mammouth Cave....I didn't get a tee shirt, but got this really cool helmet.....Love it...Ella claims if I get onto a dark detour, at least I will have LIGHT!