All Aboard...Bus Departing

I probably went too far this time but the opportunity knocked and you know me...I went right through that door....

Picture this...I have Mother in the car..We are cruising along and have seen several signs about a Live Nativity...The writing is very small on the sign telling exactly where it will be...The Dates are big...December 3,, 4,, & 5......You just can't quite see where....Sooooo...I tell Mother it's going to be in the Parking Lot of Sensual Pleasures......It's quite humorous to me until I have to reap the results of Mother's random memory....I heard her invititing Aunty Chrick to come spend the night with her and I would take them to see the Live Nativity in the Parking Lot of Sensual Pleasures....Oh My Goodness...It's going to take a prayer of forgivness starting on Central Time at 10:30 tonight and ending on Mountain Time at 11:30......
MAYBE I WON'T BE STAYING ON MOUNTAIN TIME AFTER ALL...

Mountain Mama

O.K. Loons...You know we all like to save money...I do my own hair color...Not only does it save money but it actually saves me time too...No appointments, my schedule, can be late can be early...don't have to get dressed and go anywhere...It's just convenient...I'm just a brunette...for goodness sakes, how hard can that be....Well, I've done it for years....Today I decide to color my hair..I watch a lot of Fox News..Especially while I have color on..can't wait on customers, can't talk on phone, can't do anything for 45 minutes ..right....I got an extra bonus time today...I started my hair color on Central time but took it off on Mountain Time....You do the math...My color stayed on l hr. and 45 minutes...I kept thinking it was taking longer...I got a lot of rest in, I did my nails....made a few notes...looked up some old recipes....Maybe I'll just stay on Mountain Time...I like it...

Ruby Slippers

Ok...mother can't remember if she's had supper 15 minutes after she eats...she can't remember where Daddy is 15 minutes after we drop him off at Dialysis...BUT..she can remember that big ole fat lie I told her when we left Guinn's Shoe Store 5 days ago....I thought it might be funny to tell her we had been at The Sensual Pleasures XXX Adult Store and found those darling Ruby Red Slippers with the Diamond buckles across the toe...Little did I know she would tell Dr. Portis, the nurse, the ladies at the bank, my cousin Candace and probably everyone in her Sunday School class yesterday...Mother wants to go back when they have a sale. I'm gettin up another load for my bus to hell....

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Everytime I buy an early Christmas Present I can hardly wait to give it....I've almost gone broke in the past buying presents in October and November and giving them away and then having to make a mad dash in December to buy again..There are no words for the early present I gave today...
On the way home from the Methodist Bazaar I stopped in the PromiseLand Book Store...Brother Dwight and I were messing around with each other as always ...I even left my purse in the car, told him to leave me alone, I was not buying, I was only window shopping...He asked about Daddy and told me of the Super Giant Print Bible..I told him he was making that up ..that I had never seen such a Bible and he was just tricking me trying to get me on the last aisle of the store with him....
What do you think? There it was ... A super Giant Jumbo Print Bible...I purchased it for my "going blind father" and had his name engraved, while I waited, and brought it home...As I was coming in the back door, Daddy was coming through the front door.....I of course gave it to him early..I mean really,,,,You gonna make a 93 year old man wait for a present????
I opened the box, showed him the beautiful engraved cover...He opened it and said..
"I can read this...every word...it's so clear and large...I love it....He turned around with his Bible and said..."I'm going to go right now and start making notes in the margin...I'll give it back to you some day"
There's my point...you should burn candles that people give you for gifts and you should give early presents...My Christmas is already the Best Ever...

Yard man

Okay, the pic that Sharon posted of her yard man. Mom and Lee and I were talking about it at lunch and I mentioned where did she take the pic of Eric and was informed it was not Eric, but you know if you look again it does sort of look like Eric. Am I wrong or does anyone else see it? I know Lee doesn't, cause she was pretty adamant about that!

Daddy's Little Girl

This morning Cale (Bubba) broke my heart...He was talking about Ella's 6th Birthday next week....
He looked up at me and said "Mom, do you realize that after next week we'll only have Ella about 11 more years?" I thought a minute and said "Oh son, why did you have to say that out loud?...No, I didn't think about that.."
His reply...."I wish I had never thought it...I can't get it out of my head,"

It takes a lot to make me cry...I wasn't crying over Ella because I know something that he doesn't...She'll always be his little girl, even when she's 30 , but he doesn't know that...Only time will prove that....

I've lied to him so much through his childhood..You know, bout Boy Scouts being for kids without Fathers (because I knew the leader was a pervert so I didn't want him to join)///and then there is my famous lie about 98% of American Families eat Cereal for Supper (because I was a lousy cook) and then the lie about where pets go mysteriously....So anyway how can this kid believe anything I say...I'm such a liar...Oh well, that's part of Parenthood..He'll figure it out...He is a much better Father and Daddy than I was Mother and Mom....

What Ever Happened to Rubber Ducks?

Ella is in the tub tonight.....Playing....She has new tub crayons....for those of you without little ones in your tubs...washable bath crayons..they are really fun..I admit I have used them myself while letting conditioner sit on my hair..I digress...

I walk in and she's drawn some really lovely hearts and used a lot pink, green, yellow..They are really good...Over to the side is

A + B = two..........
I say Ella what ya doing...Her answer...BATH FORMULAS
I Have Got to Write a Book....

Where Have I Seen This Face Before?

Sharon sent me a note via her ipod, "While you and your inner child were busy stringing beads and sitting round the camp fire singing kum ba ya...my yard man and I were working????????"

Aglet...

Aglet...

Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
An aglet is a small plastic or metal sheath typically found on each end of a shoelace, cord or drawstring...

Ella's definition: the plastic thingies on the end of her shoestrings...It's not funny MeMe when you can't find them and you need to lace your tennis shoes.....

Dave//that was such a good guess ankle socks....
Ginger....really...you didn't even try to guess...you gave up too soon.

I knew this would throw you all off...This was not smartie spelling..It was for real..I live in a circus....

What Exactly is an Aglet??

O K Loons....I've spent the last 15 minutes in the bathroom looking for aglets...Ellas lost hers.....I have looked and looked with her...all over the floor, the bathtub, the vanity, the drawers, the counter tops...I finally decided to ask her exactly what I was looking for....I was too embarrased at first to admit that I did not know what an aglet was.....Anybody care to take a guess???????????

Her answer to me was...You know MeMe..My aglets..I'm missing two of them..A G L E T.
I say what color are they?....Well you know MeMe..you bought them for me....Well do you have to have them? ... Yes by tommorrow morning....When did I buy them for you??.....this summer you know for school...O K....I am not smarter than a 5th grader..I am not even as smart as a 5 yr. old....I decide to try an bluff...Well tommorrow morning you can wear your new hair barretts..(pretty good bluff)...Well MeMe, What does that have to do with my aglets?....Well , I don't know..I just thought that might make up for not finding the aglets....No , I really need the aglets....I try another bluff...I didn't think you were supposed to wear jewelry to school..MeMe.that has nothing to do with it either....MeMe, you do know what an aglet is, don't you???????????? Well of course everyone knows what an aglet is..Silly..Go ask Big Daddy if he knows where your aglets are....

Anybody know what an aglet is????

Salfons and Life Lessons

Sharon - Any true southern woman knows that the way to pronouce cell phone is "salfon."   Ella's just spelling it the way it sounds.    It's the same thing that makes some southerners say far tire instead of fire tower or lay instead of Lee,  agg instead of egg, pillar instead of pillow, and so on.  Sounds like Ella is going to have a real southern accent.

Anne - I have a visual.  'Nough said!

Translation Please

Anybody care to take a guess on what

salfon is...????????????

Ella is writing now....

She wants one...here is what she wrote..

I wont a salfon.....

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

OKay...Mother has told everyone in the church (Point Pleasant) that Daddy is going blind...Today the pastor (Brother Larry) and the Deacon (Johnny Oliver) came to visit and pray with Daddy....How wonderful is that? I really appreciate their concern and how sweet is it to come visit like that.....BUT...Daddy is not going blind...he just has droopy eyelids which cause his eyes to water excessively....Do I tell the Pastor that Daddy is not going blind or do I just let them continue to keep him on the prayer list???????????? I mean it can't hurt anything...Daddy could go blind...he's 92.....But if he doesn't go blind soon will Brother Larry then think he has a hotline to God? Will he decide that he is too big for the Paris Landing Community and go on to become a Famous TV Evangelist????????????? Will word spread and people start bringing dieing people for Brother Larry to pray over...Lines will be forming from the front door to Hwy. 79.... I could be responsible for the downfall of this community church...Not only am I a Big Ole Liar...So is my Mother....Of course with the dreaded Altheimers she does have an excuse....I think I'll just deal with this tommorrow...

Bus To Hell..All Aboard !!!!

I have now added another task to my long list...I am a bus driver...Yes I am the one driving the proverbial bus to hell....that is according to my children...They remind me every day.....(the best thing about being the bus driver...I always wanted to operate that lever that opens and closes the door) I digress...
I know you all want to know what I have done that causes me to now be the bus driver...Mother , as you all are aware, has that crazy Altziemers...She is such a hoot...I have noticed that lately, or for a while really, she wants to wear the same clothes all the time...(I guess they feel familiar) Well she is just so darned cute I can hardly stand her running around looking like a bag lady..Yesterday I got her closets are arranged, everything put out of sight and reach that I did not want her to wear anymore and proceeded to tell her that the number one leading cause for people having to go into nursing homes was the fact that as people got older they did not want to change clothes very often...It was the first thing that was a warning sign that you could be on the short list for nursing home is you wore the same clothes all the time...Who ever knew that being a big ole fat liar could work so well....I know, I know....The Bible teaches against lieing, several books and verses about it...I'll just have to atone for my sins later...Right now I'm glad to have my Sassy Mom back...

P.S. Last night I was going for my last check on Mom and Dad..Mom was not in her jammies yet..I told her...They are in the second drawer in you bedroom dresser..A few minutes passed and she's back in the living room, still looking and wandering around..I said , Mother, they're in your bedroom....She says...I'm looking out here, the light is better, I can't see back there.....I've got to write a book....

Cheerleader???????

Ella has made an important decision this week.
She now wants to be a cheerleader for the needy and homeless...
She says she feels that those poor people would surely love to see her in a white tee shirt and cute little plaid skirt..She could cheer for them and make them feel better...If that didn't work, why she would just pray for them...


I couldn't resist sharing...I promise to be back soon....this week I am sure....not slowing down..just the firemen will be here tommorrow for 3 days...they pretty much take care of themselves once I get them settled in....I plan to bombard you girls with updates....Love and miss each and every one of you....

Sunday Panties

These are my most favorite panties in the whole wide world....Do you know why? I got them for Jesus.....They are so very soft and they don't get in my crack...They are special for Jesus because when I'm in Sunday School I don't have to do this all the time....(a visual followed ... Ella over exaggerating a pull and a tug from various angles of her panties)
If we got 6 more pairs of these panties we could think about Jesus everyday!!!

First Day of School for Ella

First Day of School for Ella!

Ella..."Mom, Why can't I ride the bus?"
Tracy replies..."Because I have not one other thing in the world more important than taking you to and from school." Actually thinking...the danger, the long day, a driver I don't know....all the usual Mom things....
Ella..."Well you might as well give me a passie and a blankie if you are not going to let me move on to the next level."
Tracy...Oh Ella, you are so dramatic....that was really very good.."
Ella..."Yes, I believe I will be an actress when I grow up..."

Now we can add actress to Garbage Man, Community Pool Life Guard, Waitress and News Reporter....

Our report at the end of the day....School was totally awesome!!!! I got to give them $2.00 and eat in the cafeteria...Corn Dog and Green Beans...Yogurt and CHOCOLATE MILK! Life cannot get any better than this.....

Writer's Block????

Can you have Writer's Block if you are not a writer?

I miss you loons...Be back soon.......

Sharon

Last Night Ella had an accident....She is OK....
Her Television just fell for no reason at all(translation..she was laying on the floor in front of it, pushed the table with her feet toward the wall, tv became top heavy and fell on her) It cut a gash in her hair line at her forehead and bruised her shin...Pretty impressive little accident....
Here's the funny part,, now that it's over, She puts her hands on her face after her daddy removes the set...takes them away...and they are covered with blood...(you know how a head wound will bleed)...She tells her dad she is surely dieing...I don't want to die...I don't want to die....Then she looks at the set...Hey Dad,.,,,,The good news is it didn't break the tv...It's still playing(the cord kept a lot of the weight off her)...Cale and Tracy take her to the bathroom, set her on the commode and proceed to clean her up to see what the damage is....Of course she is directing the whole triage..Telling them to use warm water and soap(not anything I would have ever guessed to hear coming from her mouth), be gentle, check my leg as it may be broken,,get an ice bag....Cale said all of a sudden she looked up and said wait a minute...We should check to see if this head wound has erased my memory....She proceeds to name the books of the Bible...When through reciting she says Nope, Memory still intact...They bring her to MeMe's house (cause MeMe knows everything and they might want to get a second opinion)..I get through making over her and Big Daddy is petting her and she says again...Maybe we should test my memory again...Proceeds to name David's Mother by name, dog's name, count, books of Bible again, my full name,new restaurant owners and DAVID'S FIRST WIFE'S NAME....Nope no loss of Memory!!!!

The Wedding Singer

This afternoon, I carried Ella to a Wedding at Buchanan's Resort....David's cousin's daughter had a simple little ceremony on the deck of one of the cabins there with beautiful Kentucky Lake as the back drop...It was very casual and comfortable and just a joy to see this young couple be so wise to not spend a lot of money on a fancy expensive wedding...When the ceremony had been performed and they were making photos...Ella Steps up to the Bride..."I've written a little song for you and I would like to perform it now"....I hear a little laughter and people commenting and talking about how cute she is....I listen a little closer....Ella marches up to me and says "MeMe...I must go to the car right now and get my guitar (a pink Hannah Montanna Guitar)//I'm going to sing for the bride...I say Oh No Ella and everyone around me by now is yes, go get the guitar....I grab another glass of wine and we go to the car, sure enough there is the guitar and we carry it back to the deck....
This Kid steps up under the twinkly lights and white netting and beautiful flowered arch, strums the guitar and sings one of the sweetest songs I've ever heard in my life (I'm not predjudiced) Everyone claps, she takes a bow and then she hits the shrimp dip bowl again....Who is this kid? The lyrics were something about the time of their life and they could make a change in the world and their time to shine......I'm thinking....My genius at work....If we plan our Book Tour and Ella's Singing Tour together,,,we could save a little money on our expenses, buy the bus together and share hotel rooms....What ya think Ladies?????

P.S. I'll have photos later...Plenty of people took her photo today while she was singing....

I'm coming out of the closet!

Ella Announced Today:

"MEME HAS A SECRET AND I KNOW WHAT IT IS !!!!!!!"

Yes Ella Darling, and what is my secret?

"YOU HAVE ROOT BEER IN THE CLOSET AND YOU LIKE IT!!!!!"

Can I still be a Loon if I drink Root Beer in the Closet???

In the same breath she wanted to know, Now wait for this girls, ......
Why did Jesus turn water into wine because we all know that wine is not good for you...Why didn't he just make those people drink water...He had plenty of that.....

I don't know if she is now following Carrie Nation or Pastor Billy Frank Birmingham...We are either going to have a tent revival or a march here at Fishtale soon..Ella will be leading the parade..You're all invited....

Recess!!!!

Say Say Little Playmates.....Come Out And Play With Me...
And Bring Your Dollies Three.....Climb Up My Apple Tree....
Slide Down My Rain Barrel.....dadadadadada....
And We'll Be Jolly Friends for Ever More.More.More...More...More...More...


Where are you girls? Oh that's right...You're busy taking care of those inner children....

As for me, I'm thinking of having a sweet rum collins on the playground and smoking a cigarette....When you all get tired of those kids, come join me.....
I'll be the one with the new sassy bracelet sitting under the shade tree not even close to the swings or the teeter totter...

Cool

Stressed spelled backwards

DESSERTS

Amber Alert Cancelled...

Hey, Ginger ...You and Kathi just keep my inner child...This past week I purchased an adult bracelet (from Maggie's downtown) It is to die for..You loons are going to be so envious...It's a waxing poetic (????) but very cool...very adult...In other words it's not lime green rubber (Crocs) with pink butterflies, yellow crowns, and red ladybugs on it....It is to die for...
I also bought a desk and side table that is not suited for small people..It has a hidden top drawer, it's black, and it's beautiful...Just for me...Not to be shared with anyone...
I also had several alcoholic drinks while riding on a golf cart at the State Park watching fireworks with another man...(I will have to tell you all the story..it's delicious)....
I said several ugly words this week and did not feel bad about it....and I also told several lies...So far, I've not been caught in any of them and I don't even feel bad about them...
I bought an outfit that if I place tape just right under my boobs it looks like I have cleavage without having to touch my elbows together...I can just stand there, arms down and have cleavage...
So there, keep that little loony inner child for a while...I'll call for her when I feel the need....

Amber Alert

My Inner Child is Missing!!! I've been wearing her on the outside and somehow I have lost her.....I think probably she is being held hostage by a Loon but I am not sure which one.....Just return her please and there will be no questions asked....For some strange reason the last 2 days I have been acting like an adult and I do not like it...Please return her...

Treasures

MeMe.....It's the most wonderful news...Guess What???? I found a coupon for a free Zip Line Ride, Bubble Gum that smells like strawberries but doesn't taste like strawberries and a Keychain light that says "Let there be Light." What treasures...Wonder what I'll find today???
My mind was wondering, what simple things it takes to make her happy...All of a sudden I realized that I would like to have that key chain...it would be perfect for my purse in the dark, and I haven't had a peice of bubble gum in ages..I would really like to have that gum, you know how you suck the sugar off and the gum gets real soft and then you chew it....And if I ever get to Arkansas, I would like to ride the zip line, ..I think it would be fun......

Tommorrow I think I will drink from the water hose, wear high heels and costume jewelry with shorts, ride a bike, eat some cracker jacks, catch lightning bugs in a fruit jar...just for kicks...Then Wednesday I will be a grown up again...I really don't want to be a child again....You have to take shots until you're 8.....

Jezebel

It's another Ella Story...

Get a visual...I go to the front desk to check in a fisherman...I'm getting his key, we are talking fishing, running his credit card.....Great conversation.....Actually enjoying his company....I feel a small hand on my back, and without looking, I know that Ella has stepped in behind me..The little darling...She loves to help MeMe wait on customers, and today, why she's not interrupting and trying to take over the conversation, she's quiet...I feel her moving but that's pretty normal....I notice though, that this particular customer that I thought I really liked, and was enjoying, who seemed very kind and intelligent, is now all of a sudden not looking at me, he's barely speaking back, and unlike most people, he has not formed an instant bond with Ella and at least mentioned the fact that she's just dang skippy..As a matter of fact he has all but turned his back to me...Why he is just being rude right now...What happened to the great guy standing before me, that just 1 minute ago was so entertaining? He looks like a deer caught in headlights... I put his key on the counter with his credit card receipt to be signed...Why his head is dropped so low that I can't even see his eyes now...He won't look up...What is up? Is he crazy, Is he a mass murderer, Is he paranoid??...........Oh No...He's just shocked out of his mind....I turn and catch a look at Ella...She has on her ballet tutu with no shirt underneath...It's rounded neck is cut to her waist and she is doing a hootchie kootchie dance behind me.....she has on her blonde Hannah Montanna Wig and enough makeup to be Dolly Parton's sister.....Of course I am speechless, I look at him and make a very stupid statement " Oh my, we let her dress herself and she has no taste." Did I really say that..Does he now think that we let this 5 yr. old dress like this??? There was no way to really fix it...I tried to tell him she has a dress up box and I knew she was awful quiet that I should have checked on her...I'm covering her up and he is departing... Well, you can just imagine that within 30 minutes, I had that young lady of the night's face scrubbed, her real clothes on, her hair brushed and in pigtails and we were knocking on his door..I made her say all of the books of the Bible and quote at least 3 Bible Verses....The real kicker...He was a Methodist Preacher, the one that founded Fishers of Men Tournament Trail....He was on his way to the pre-tournament meeting...He winked at me and said..."Go and sin no more." What a guy...He is now one of my favorite guests...Looking forward to his return.....

MIA

Girls, I have been sooooo busy....When I have time I want to post about the lovely day we had a Lee's...I have so many things I want to say about that gathering...It was so wonderful and if I try to post now , I would certainly leave something out....I will be back...

PS...I know you all enjoy Ella's prayers so much...have to share this with you....Tonight she offered grace over our dinner meal..We had some company ..This was her prayer...

Dear Lord, You know that we all love you very much....You also know that I like to sing about you all the time...well , not all the time, but most of the time, and every song is about you....well, not every song...I do like other music and sometimes I sing other songs besides yours,,,but you know I do love to sing about you....Bless our bounty of food....AMEN................

What a kid.......................

Love to all....I will be back.....Sharon....

Little MeMe

Practicing so Lee doesn't have to post photos for me......Now if I can remember how I did this.

Lips that touch wine,,,Shall not touch mine

Has been my Mom's Motto for quite a while..She's not a drinker I must start with....

When I was younger my mom was always at the church rockin and rollin with the Pentecostal Folk while my Grandmother was at the Doyle's Dance Club rockin and rollin with the Bingo Players...I guess I'm a mix of both...I digress...

About a month ago a friend of ours comes in with Apple Cider, Apple Juice, Oranges and sticks of cinnamon...A suspicious looking 2 quart jar of some very clear liquid..(Moonshine)...He asks if I have a stock pot...I did...We got it out..After about 2 hours of intense cooking (to all of the above we added sugar)...We had some very fine AppleJack.....

I put my 2 quarts in the fridge and promptly forgot it...It's just too strong for me...Forgot is the key here....Back to Mom...Lives on Juice and Spinach...rarely eats meat...dark chocolate twice a day...and plenty of water...2 teaspoons cinnamon and couple of almonds...rounded out with tuna at least 4 times a week and baked chicken....She's been a health nut since before it was cool...
She's pretty durned healthy except for Alzheimer's....(Another story in itself)...I digress again...

Anyway...She's been coming over every day drinking my apple juice...She has blueberry, grape and orange at her house, but she's been drinking my apple juice....I've been hearing, this is the best apple juice..I just love this Simply Apple...It's so good....The way I caught it, was the other day when she came over for her "juice" this smell...what in the world...why it smells like a bar in here...what could that be??? OMG...She's been on the moonshine....She has consumed a quart and a half of Apple Jack in the last week......It's a wonder she's not blind.....

I tell you girls this because I am sure there is a place in Hell for me..I'll be driving the bus there I'm sure and in case I'm struck dead before Wednesday I wanted you all to pray for my soul...I am sure that this must be a sin....I have led my righteous mother down the path of iniquity and she doesn't even know it....

I took a photo on my phone and sent to my children of Grandmother drinking Moonshine..They did not find the humor that I found in this..Rather they shamed me...That's why I think probably I'm Hellbound.... I will tell you this...IT WAS FUNNY....shame on me....

The extra funny thing is The Lady Can Hold Her Liquor!!!Would make my Grandmother Proud.

Ella's Latest Revelation

Ella has declared that apparently she is not getting enough appropriate attention and this could possibly be why she is acting up.....

We are currently taking applications for 3rd shift...Experience is a must....

A Famous Boxing Promoter in My Bathroom

Oh My!!!

Don King was in my bathroom this morning....I was scared to death...

I waited on a few customers, you know how cute I am when I get up in the morning...I have really pretty pajamas just for those occasions and always put on that 24 hour lipstick before I go to bed at night, knowing that at 6:30 before I've had time to dress or put on makeup, that someone will be at the front desk to check out...Well , sure enough..I waited on a few customers, was quite charming, went to get my coffee and go back to bed to catch a little Fox News...Made a pass through the bathroom....OMG...Don King in Bright Red Lipstick and Pink Pajamas....I am so mortified....It must stop raining or I must remember that if my hair gets wet it must be re ironed.....

Ella's Right????

Ella's Wisdom:

"You can always tell your right from your left....."
How I asked, that seems hard for someone 5 years old to know..I was interested in knowing exactly how she knows that....We take things like that for granted...Is it now built in to her? Is it going to be with her forever like it is with me? Is it scientific?....you know right brain, left brain....Is this an instinct that she has developed? She's so young...How does she know this? Her answer...

"There's always a beautiful sticker on your right tap shoe...All you have to do is look down MeMe."

Ella...Really

Trying to be cool the other day, I was commenting on a news report about some of the stimulus money going to build a guard rail on a little used highway outside of Dyersburg...Everyone is up in arms because it will be such a waste..The highway is not traveled and is not that important to the community..I made the statement, "That is So Lame"
Ella walked up to me and said, "MeMe....You must not use the word Lame unless you are talking about Jesus making a crippled guy walk....Really MeMe, I don't think the Lord would like that..."
I AM LIVING WITH A MISSIONARY......OMG

Ella's Prayer

Had a cook out for some fishermen staying here this week at the lodge..They've been on the road for quite a while...Elite Fishermen coming back in June but in between tourneys came to stay with us a few days before the water goes off limits...Ella heard me talking about how tough it is on them and how we should make their meal very special...

She was helping me serve, when everyone got their plates She Said "I would like to offer a prayer for you guys..." Of course they were all very pleased and I suppose expected a short memory prayer from this small child....When she was through there weren't many dry eyes...She prayed " Dear Lord...Thank you so very much for bringing these fishermen to Fishtale Lodge, cause you know we like for them to stay with us....Before we eat tonight, I would like to thank you for all this food and I hope you will bless all these fishermen and let them catch lots of fish....They need them....and when they come back next month do you think you could send Jesus down to have dinner with all of us...I know you are too busy....We'll just expect Jesus....Thank you again, Dear Lord..Amen, This was Ella..and thank you for blessing the small children at St. Jude"

I must start sharing Ella's prayers with you all...They are amazing....I know you will all agree..

There Is No Excuse For Rude Behavior!

There just is no excuse for rude behavior!!!
Today, I am in Lowe's ...looking for chair cushions and paint samples...I spy a rug in a barrel with several others...It beckons me from a great distance...My reward for going to look and following my gut...it is beautiful....An outdoor rug, perfect for the patio..brown background with a slight design of tree limbs and artsy looking birds in just the color of my cushions...Not too busy, casual enough for me and the price...unbelievable...In this barrel every rug is at least $68.00 up to $213.00...This rug..clearance..big yellow tag...$17.98.........Not $178.98....$17.98....Of course I snatch it, load it in my buggy and check the barrel to make sure there's not another one....I am motoring around the Lowe's pleased as punch with my rug sticking out 3 feet in front of the buggy, being careful not to knock down any displays or hit people...I'm thinking wow..I'm going in search of more yellow tags.....Along comes a spider..she's not much older than I am with her daughter behind her looking like a deer caught in head lights....I and the rest of the store overhear That's my rug..there it is....She starts out pleasant enough.."Excuse me...I saw that rug first...When I came in I saw it and told my daughter I would pick it up on the way out..I didn't have a buggy"....I look around thinking OK...It's one of those tv things...they have a camera on me and they want to see a fight.....I said.."Well, I'm sad you didn't get the rug and there is not another one" She proceeds to lay her hands on my rug....I saw this rug first..Once again , I look around thinking there's a tv camera somewhere...I hope my lipstick still looks fresh, I am glad I colored my hair last night and thank goodness my sandals match my shirt...I am starting to pose for the unseen tv camera...I am sure this woman thinks I am on some good drugs, cause I am smiling, looking around and being very kind....I tell her that her loss is my gain...sorry but the rug has a new home on my patio....she then proceeds to tell me that she hopes I am happy...I tell her I am very happy, I have a new bargain rug for the cost of a good bath towel....She spins and walks off...I stand there, just a while longer waiting on the tv crew....No one shows up...I guess I wasn't on tv afterall...Now I wish I had slapped her..I think I would have felt better...There just is no excuse for rude behavior.....

Yogi Photo

We really must include this photo.  I think ya'll look too cute.

Let's see - touching, fragrance and inverted boobs.  Do we really want to go there???

The Class

I arrive at Yoga Class....Kathi has on layered black ..tank top, with cute little cap sleeve shirt under and black yoga pants, precious little ballet slippers..pony tail, black band in hair...I arrive with all black and glittery flip flops, she passes me a band for my forehead and here we are..about to enter the class....Cute, cute, cute as can be....We walk in and immediately fall apart..We are the new kids in class...looking and acting like 2 cheerleaders walking into a home ec class of which we have no intentions of learning to sew....Our mats are still in the box...we both have our $5.00 in our hand and stumble around for a few minutes while the instructor shows us where to put our money and sign in.....Finally...We get our mats out of the boxes, place on the floor, the lights dim, and our instructor says "Does anyone have a problem with touching or fragrances?" Alarm bells are ringing in my head...one of our class mates turned to tell me the instructor comes around and touches us when we close our eyes....Should I get up and run, where did I leave my purse, I can't go without my flip flops, they are my favorites..Looked over at Kathi who is talking with her neighbor who explains that the instructor comes around and touches but it's ok...I decide to stay....
We get into several positions..some hard, some not, some feel good, some made me wish that I had taken Aleive instead of Musinex (When I left home for class I thought it might be a good idea to take 2 Aleive, you know, so I could move and bend) I didn't have my glasses and realized after swallowing that I had taken 2 Musinex instead...Oh well, that's another whole story...Then we find ourselves laying flat on our stomachs...Kathi and I are nose to nose struggling to reach our left ankle with our left hand and pushing the heel of our foot into our buttocks when she shares with me that Dwight has been gone 6 weeks....I get tickled, she gets tickled, the more we try to be quiet, the more giggly we get...The instructor comes to sit with us....Now we are not the teacher's pet so I flip Kathi a Bird and she sticks her tongue out at me and it starts again....We settle down.....Then we roll over, up on our knees and do back bends which I did pretty good..I'm feeling good about this..start to show out a little by staying longer than I had to...I'm feeling pretty good about this...Then, I look down and it's the Summer of my Freshman year all over again...From laying flat on my stomach on the hard floor my cups have inverted...For my 3 busty loonies you will find this hard to believe..Some of us don't fill out our padded bras..The cups can invert...O.K..So how long were they inverted? Maybe I wasn't as cute as I thought....Well I tell Kathi, thanks for telling me...she gets tickled again....I'm not sure we are welcome at this class again...Maybe we can get into a Karate Class, start all over again and behave this time....NO.
Maybe we will carry Anne and Lee so we can boost our credibility......
Looney Loose Lady..sharon

Too Tall Sharon

Can't talk now....................I am on my way to YOGA.....................

I figure why not..Kathi called today, asked me to go with her.....I say sure..Of course I think she was calling my bluff just to see how tuff I am...I don't think she really has or had any intentions of doing this class at all....I believe she just wanted to know if I would....I have called her bluff..I did tell her that I didn't think I could but I would be willing to try........She said sure I could..I complained that I was stiff, she told me about her knee.........I told her I couldn't even touch my toes....SHE SAYS " I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT, YOU ARE TALL" I mean really...being tall doesn't have anything to do with touching your toes...........Does It????????????
Love to all the Loonies!!!!

I Should Not Covet My Friend's Handyman...

OK...Now my Loonie Tune Friend, who does do Karoke, has blogged that she had a cuter Handy Man than I....There is no justice...Mine is old, cranky, temperamental, has no taste in tee-shirts, and does not have long hair, drink wine or smoke....That is just not fair......

I did spend another enjoyable afternoon with mine...morning snack, lunch, and afternoon coffee..I've run out of things to cook..I am very limited..Today he had to have left over pineapple cake with his coffee and if looks could have killed, I would be getting a hair helmet by some beautician that works on dead people....I guess tommorrow I'll bake him brownies...I am almost through with his long list of chores, I am worn completely out and he's fresh as a daisy....I lost control somewhere along the list of chores...I think it was the day I showed a little compassion after he'd been stung by a wasp...I got him an ice pack and we came in had coffee and that was the start of his taking liberties with me...yes , I said liberties...like..could you get me coffee,,,A cold drink would be nice.....fetch that rake for me,,,,,,you wanna haul this while I rest a minute...I should start over..that's it...I'll find a new man.......The hunt is on...I'll fire this one and find a new one.............Stay tuned girlies...It's gonna be a rough ride..............I am on a Mission.

My yard man has not left the building...

Lunch is over....My yard man had spiral cut honey baked ham sandwiches (2) and cherry jello with fruit.....We sat together and ate and drank...Perhaps he is not breaking up with me.....Got to run...I am now making our coffee for break and we will have fresh homeade pineapple cake..I can tell him it's fresh..the pineapple came from a can, cake came from a box and icing is whipped vanilla frosting in a carton...He won't know the difference...It was just made and it is very fresh....I do have him working inside..don't want him to blister in that bright sun outside....He's painting floors for me.....A Man of All Trades.....

The Pending Break-Up

Well, I think it is happening...I believe my yard man is trying to break up with me....This is a man that knows all my secrets..he helped me clean out my garage.....He has seen me without make-up.......he's heard me lie on the phone.....why he has even seen me spit!!! What will I do? I am too old to break in a new one...I must get him back......The reason I think he is breaking up with me is that yesterday he had lunch without me on the pavillion and at coffee break time, he came in fixed his coffee and drank it then came and told me coffee was ready but he had had his...Aren't these the signs of break up? What will I do? I must get him back.....Why the next thing you know he'll be saying yes mam and no mam again.....What am I going to do?

I DO NOT CUSS

To make a long story short...My son,daughter in law, husband and several other out siders got into a little Facebook Spat last night...It all started when my son (Cale) posted on Tracy's(daughter in law) Facebook cause she left it up...That's fair game around here..You leave it logged in, it's your fault.. Well, I'm just having too much fun posting comments on what he said on hers. I in turn forget and leave it logged in, so he hits mine...After several playful rounds, a truce is called then...Cale started to play really dirty...He posted..."MeMe...I must please ask you to stop cussing around Ella"...All the entire world is reading this....I found myself threatening my own flesh and blood, threatening to hurt him and if I could have gotten my hands on him I would have.....How do I tell the entire world now that I DO NOT CUSS......Maybe I'll just start cussing...that will fix them...Did I mention that when Cale posted this, it appeared right after Carlton Gerrell was pleading with the community to offer prayers for the Easter Week End...I mean really ...timing......Carlton messaged me that his entire church would be praying for my problems with cussing.....I think I will just start cussing....@#%^*(+!#%$

Random Information

I should be a genius....Dr. Phil has an expert on today who tells us that if we drink coffee we should have exceptional brain power!!! Woo Hoo....My brain will never grow old.....Yeah....

There were a few other things we should consume
Whole grains..oatmeal and rice
Green vegetable...broccoli..spinach..cauliflower(counts as green)
Nuts & Seeds & Avocados
Berries..raspberries, strawberries, blueberries
Fatty Fish...or fish oil with DHA
Dark Chocolate
Water
Wine
COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looney Ladies Ravings - The Yard Man by Sharon Seaton

I cannot get on the blog...I do not exist..you will have to walk me through....

I was going to blog about my neighbor stealing my yard man this morning....I have been working him, feeding him lunch, giving him all the coke he could hold, and letting him drive my polaris around while I took the golf cart....and this morning ...he is at my neighbor's working..Not coming to see me til Thursday....I think she's mixing him coctails....I must investigate....and this happened tonight...

Next Day
Well, I've spent a good part of my day preparing for my Yard Man...I have him several choices on sandwiches on wheat bread, his favorite chilled soft drinks, I'm going to offer him fancy flavored creamer with his mid morning coffee, .....What a day I have planned...Blades all sharpened for him, new gloves and cookies for the afternoon coffee...I can hardly wait to see him..I think I'll even give him a new Fishtale Lodge Shirt
 

Where is my Yard Man..I will not fuss even though it is way after l0:00..The neighbor probably let him start late...Now if I could just get this crazy Judy Garland Song out of my head...The nite is bitter...the stars have lost their glitter.....the winds grow colder..suddenly you're older....all because of the yard man that got awaaaaaaay......No more his eager call....the writings on the wallllllllll.

All because of the man that got awaaaaaay.............
 
 
 
 
 

(Looks like a pretty cushy job to me.)

One of Sharon's MeMe Moments

Last Night I was checking in one of my many favorite couples to the Lodge...Kevin & Wendy Hinton...He is a Pentacostal Preacher from KY and I do so enjoy his and Wendy's visits..They come to crappie fish...Ella had just taken a shower and was all dressed in her jammies ready to go home...I call her to the front office to perform one of her many tricks...Tonight I choose saying all the books of the Old Testament, all 66 of them...Quite a feat for a 5 yr. old...Here she comes looking all angelic and clean and smelling powdery fresh but she has her Karate Belt wrapped around her head several times like a turban...I ask her why she had it on...She informs me that she wanted to look like one of Jesus' followers like in the olden days...She wanted to be a disciple....OK,,this adds to the act..you can't write a script like this because we are fixing to wow them

Of course Kevin is saying Praise the Lord....She starts and doesn't stop until she's recited all the books and even ends with a song about the walls of Jericho....OMG...How sweet, how smart, what an angel...They are so impressed and so am I...Then Tracy swoops in, whisks her off and says we are off to bed..I get a call 20 minutes later....Mom are you sitting down..ELLA SHAVED OFF AN EYEBROW.....She wasn't trying to look like a disciple...she was hiding the hideous bare skin that looked like a baby's butt above her left eye....It's Easter Week...She has a beautiful pink dotted dress, Ballet Recital is near, and I wanted her to try out for a part in the KPack Theater Group Production of 101 Dalmations.....Now what do we do.....Later last nite I visited the crime scene...My bathroom sink looked like a caterpillar molted...Just another MeMe Moment....

Yard Man...Mid Day

When I grow up , I want to be my Yard Man...He arrives at 10:20 this AM...At 11:15 He's having Pizza..Thin crust extra peperoni....and ice cream sundae with chocolate.....Then by 1:15 in for cup of coffee.....I want to be a Yard Man when I grow up......It's 3:30 and I am seeing signs of Time to Go Home......Yes, I want to be a Yard Man when I grow up......